The Demon of the Cavern of the Black Mountain: A Grammar Girl Nightmare on Elm Street

Friday, November 26, 2010

A Grammar Girl Nightmare on Elm Street

The Demon is a fan of Grammar Girl and recommends her book, Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing. To show his appreciation, the Demon offers this little homage:

Grammar Girl versus Freddy Krueger!

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What I'm Readingt

1. THE GRAPEYARD BOOK
Neal Guydude (DePress, $12.95.) A kid with the unlikely name of Somebody McGillicuddy is raised by the ghosts of vintners past in an abandoned vineyard. Hints of red raspberries and plums infuse the plotline.

2. HARRY POTTER AND MERLOT OF MENDACITY
J.K. Reeling. (Pendantic Publishers, $24.95.) Harry is warned by the wizard Miles Raymond to stay away from a mysterious cask of Merlot.

3. A RUE WITH A VOOM
A.M. Woodland. A failing sous-chef seeks to become the next Emeril Lagasse by developing a spicy rue that adds a “voom” to any dish.

Why Query Letters Fail

Why do query letters fail? Here's what literary agents, in their own words, say are four reasons they've rejected your query letter:

“To whom it may concern” no longer works at this agency; we fired him/her years ago.
You propose to write a novel that is “somewhere between Gone with the Wind and The Little Engine that Could.” Frankly, my dear, I don’t think you can, I don’t think you can, I don’t think you can.
Thank you for assuring us that your manuscript is “complete, finished, done and over with.” That just about describes your chances with this agency.
Gee, what a fascinating coffee stain on the lower left-hand corner of the letter…would that be Mocha Java or Sumatra?