The Demon of the Cavern of the Black Mountain: Joel Osteen

Showing posts with label Joel Osteen. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Another book cover reimagined

In an earlier post, the Demon remagined a dull book cover. Now it's time to offer an alternative to the cover for Joel Osteen's A Better You:

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What I'm Readingt

1. THE GRAPEYARD BOOK
Neal Guydude (DePress, $12.95.) A kid with the unlikely name of Somebody McGillicuddy is raised by the ghosts of vintners past in an abandoned vineyard. Hints of red raspberries and plums infuse the plotline.

2. HARRY POTTER AND MERLOT OF MENDACITY
J.K. Reeling. (Pendantic Publishers, $24.95.) Harry is warned by the wizard Miles Raymond to stay away from a mysterious cask of Merlot.

3. A RUE WITH A VOOM
A.M. Woodland. A failing sous-chef seeks to become the next Emeril Lagasse by developing a spicy rue that adds a “voom” to any dish.

Why Query Letters Fail

Why do query letters fail? Here's what literary agents, in their own words, say are four reasons they've rejected your query letter:

“To whom it may concern” no longer works at this agency; we fired him/her years ago.
You propose to write a novel that is “somewhere between Gone with the Wind and The Little Engine that Could.” Frankly, my dear, I don’t think you can, I don’t think you can, I don’t think you can.
Thank you for assuring us that your manuscript is “complete, finished, done and over with.” That just about describes your chances with this agency.
Gee, what a fascinating coffee stain on the lower left-hand corner of the letter…would that be Mocha Java or Sumatra?