An aspiring author confronts the literary demons of the world and sets off in search of an agent.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Anticipating Kate DiCamillo's Next Book

(DISCLAIMER: I am in a very silly mood. So silly, I cannot be held liable for any logical fallacies or literary mayhem herein.)

       tiger                            elephant
A                                                      crashing 

                                                                          WHAT NEXT?   

I just read, The Tiger Rising by Kate DiCamillo. I am currently reading The Magician's Elephant, also by Ms. DiCamillo, in which an elephant comes crashing down through the roof of an opera house. Tigers rising and elephants crashing down, oh my! 

What can we expect in Kate DiCamillo's next book? Perhaps something lateral? Here are my less than lucid speculations:

Sideways Monkey:  Jack gets cold feet during his bachelor party and suffers a concussion due to an unseemly incident involving a motorcycle helmet.  When he wakes, Jack discovers he is all alone in the world except for Miles, an enigmatic, Merlot hating, pot bellied monkey. Together they learn valuable lessons in friendship and how to stage a fake automobile accident.

The Night of the Reclining Giraffe: Ten year old Izhtak Schwartz hates Passover, having nearly gagged to death on Matzoh when he was seven. Like an Easter Bunny running for his life, Izhtak flees and through pluck, along with assistance from a clever plot device, makes his way to Africa where he meets a sarcastic, pagan-worshiping giraffe. Izhtak takes a liking to the long neck's  embittered view of the world and nicknames him, Groucho. After many life-threatening, yet hilarious adventures, the boy has an epiphany about  Passover. In the story's stirring climax, he teaches Groucho the Seder and the importance of reclining while they eat. Together they recline, eat Matzoh and imbibe of Manischewitz wine as wild hyenas and meerkats  serenade with a Hip Hop version of Hava Nagila. 

The Raven's Lateral: Billy, like his older brother, Biff, wants to quarterback the Ravens football team in the Chincoteague youth football league. Alas, Coach Parker Derm, the crippled yet vibrant gridiron mastermind, has installed a new trick play requiring the deft and precise execution of the lateral pass. Alas and alack, for Billy, no matter how hard he tries, is unable to master the deceptive pass! Then, one night, a friggin' raven taps on his bedroom window and teaches the aspiring quarterback to look beyond the hash marks.


Sunday, April 3, 2011

Will I Feel This Way By Spring's End?

This poem, from Yosa Buson, caught my fancy!

The end of spring--
the poet is brooding
about editors.

(Translated by Robert Haas)

Friday, April 1, 2011

Supreme Court Rules Predicates Unconsitutional

By Gram Marian, Disassociated Press – 1 hr 52 mins ago

WASHINGTON, DC - The Supreme Court has just ruled that predicates are unconstitutional. The case, Ms. Pelling v. Panda Ring, was the first grammar related case ever heard before the court. In an unanimous decision, the court stated, “We are a nation of laws, not men. Therefore, laws, not predicates should govern our behavior, despite the beliefs of certain well-meaning, but overly educated citizens. The Rules of Grammar cannot be allowed to stand above the Constitution, even within the confines of a sentence…”

In a related decision, the court voted 5-4 in favor of eliminating the use of ellipses…