An aspiring author confronts the literary demons of the world and sets off in search of an agent.

Monday, November 8, 2010

One Word for Ten...or a Hundred?


I found the following observation (confession?) from Kate DiCamillo at The Pippin Insider: "Telling stories is hard work; the stories that I like, the ones that seem most powerful to me, have an ineffable quality of one word seeming to do the work of ten words."

One word for ten? Sounds daunting, eh? How about one word for a hundred? Let flash back to an earlier post of mine where I asked whether it was possible for one hundred words to the job of ten thousand. (i.e., a ratio of one word for one hundred).  Here’s what I wrote:

Is it possible for one hundred words to the job of ten thousand?

I've been contemplating this question since reading a wonderful short story, Bog Rhubard Shoots, by Yamashiro Tomoe (it's from the book, Reflections on the Way to the Gallows). It tells the tale of Mitsuko, a young Japanese woman, who, in the 1940s, was sent to prison for her involvement in the left-wing political movement (as was her husband, who was assigned to different prison).

Under the terms of her conviction, Mitsuko "could write only one letter of postcard length each month. Even though the frequency and length of the letters were limited, they still had to be checked over by four persons: the guard, the chief guard, the chaplain, and the supervisor of the guards. Under these circumstances, one hundred words had to do the job of ten thousand in the letters that Mitsuko and her husband exchanged. If a letter written under restricted conditions failed to pass the censors and was stamped 'To be handed over upon release,' the letter itself would probably shed tears."

Sigh!

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Saturday, November 6, 2010

A Bookstore with Just One Book...Your Book!

What if there was a bookstore that specialized in just one book? And it happened to be your book? Shelf after shelf would have but one tome, your tome! A customer walks to the Self-help section and finds…your book! Another customer goes to the Exercise section and finds…your book!

Guess what? This really happened. In 1997 Al Fahden was looking for a way to promote his book, Innovation on Demand.  So he opened a bookstore in downtown Minneapolis that was stocked with just one title, Innovation on Demand. 

Kinda cool, eh?

There was even an article, Tome Alone, in People Magazine. 

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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Kindle: Semaphore Edition

Following on the spectacular success of our Kindle: Morse Code Edition, we are introducing Kindle: Semaphore.


For more literary semaphoric thrills, check out Monty Python's version of Wuthering Heights in Semaphores.

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Monday, November 1, 2010

If you had to choose one song...

Here's an interesting thought exercise for a writer: if you had to choose one song upon which to base a novel, which song would you choose?

After much cogitation, reflection and sundry caffeinated-related activities, I would choose Black Horse and a Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall. The first two lines of the lyrics make for a killer book opening: Well my heart knows me better than I know myself/So I'm gonna let it do all the talking.


And the last line of the song makes for a boffo novel ending: I can't quite get there 'cause my heart's forsaken me.


Okay, I got me a beginning and an ending, now I gotta fill in the rest. In the meantime, here's video of Ms. Tunstall:


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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Spell check your tattoo!

From Geeky Tattoos.com


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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Of Jersey Shores and Spartacus


Judging by the reaction to a recent post by Deanna Fei – entitled, Why Every Writer Should Watch Jersey Shore – the TV show, like many reality shows, is polarizing; you either love it or hate it.

So let’s dive into this imbroglio and examine the issue as only the Demon can (or would dare). We’ll take a thought-provoking journey from the Jersey Shores all the way to France to take a potshot at the ghost of Flaubert, then we’ll return home to invoke our First President before heading off to the coliseums of ancient Rome. (I need the Frequent Fantasy MilesTM).

Ms. Fei writes, “Maybe my sense of humor is unevolved, but too often, I pick up a novel that's been described as hilarious, only to find that the laughs are mostly located in the author mocking his own creations for being less clever than he and his reader.”

The reference to mocking ones own creations reminded me of my extreme distaste for the novel, Madam Bovary.  I could feel disdain and contempt oozing from Flaubert’s pen as he engineered the demise of Charles and Emma Bovary. Then again, what else should we expect from an author who believed that “"hatred of the Bourgeois is the beginning of virtue…”  

I take umbrage at the notion that virtue begins with hatred.  

Which brings me back to Jersey Shores – and pretty much all reality shows – I tend to hate them, “them” being the show, not the people. Truth is, I have nothing to say about the players in the show, good or bad, because I know nothing about them.

Specifically, it is the fish bowl venue that defines reality TV, where every facet of person’s life is on display, that I abhor.  This is most likely because I am an introvert and would never seek to maximize my public exposure in such a way. Furthermore, I find much wisdom in the following from George Washington: “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.”

Therein lays the clash of philosophies. If you are like me, and subscribe to Washington’s point-of-view, Jersey Shore, or any other reality show, is likely to rub you the wrong way. It’s not a right or wrong thing, it’s personal idiosyncrasy.

It also explains why I regard Jersey Shore as a spectacle, which leads me to another TV show: Spartacus, Blood and Sand (thankfully, this isn’t a reality show). The Roman Gladiators were commodities, pawns in the grand games played out before thousands of spectators. Are the stars of reality shows that much different? Are they not pawns whose lives are played out on millions of TV screens? Both get used up and spat out, so to speak. At least the truth of this was contained in the Gladiators’ oath, “I will endure to be burned, to be bound, to be beaten, and to be killed by the sword.” Perhaps those in a reality show should take an oath that begins like this: “I will endure to have no privacy, to be cancelled at any time…” 

There’s no doubt that shows like Jersey Shore are polarizing. You either love ‘em or hate ‘em. I’m in the latter camp. However, I do not claim to be right or have the higher moral ground on this subject, Still, as an aspiring author, I feel it’s my duty to understand the origins of my antipathy, for better or worse.

Jeesh, I hate it when I get all philosophical and introspective like this. To cure myself of this malady, I am going to “veg out” tonight and watch the World Series.

‘nuff said!

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Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Morse Code Kindle

Introducing the Kindle: Morse Code Edition. All your favorite novels translated to Morse Code. Read and listen to the beeps, the dashes, the pauses...oh my!

Wouldn't you love to read Moby Dick in Morse Code?

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Monday, October 18, 2010

The Tony Soprano Query

What if Tony Soprano was an aspiring author? How might he handle the challenges of finding a literary agent? Sounds like a great idea for a book! 

Tony Soprano has got himself an unpublished manuscript.


Lord knows, he’s got a great story to tell. It’s all in there: the whacks, the goomahs and, of course, the importance of family.

One day, serendipity brings him into contact with the literary agent of his dreams, Stella Portalucia. Tony starts to tell her about his book; she cuts him short. “Send me a query letter,” she says. He is crestfallen; she explains, “it ain’t personal, it’s how I do business.”

Tony doesn’t handle rejection very well, but he’ll do anything to do business with Stella. Now, the man who has carved an empire amidst the teeming turnpikes of New Jersey must do the unthinkable – he must write a query letter!

Meanwhile, Carlucci Cacciatore, a former priest turned publisher, has secretly approached Tony’s wife Carmela about publishing a tell-all book. He’s made a damn fine offer.

So much for the importance of family.


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Saturday, October 16, 2010

A "fear sum" novel

Today, we reimagine a classic Tom Clancy novel, The Sum of All Fears:

From this:


To this:


A brilliant mathematician must
help the U.S. break a secret code.
But a rare phobia cripples him!

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Friday, October 15, 2010

The Handbook for the Persnickety

In his previous rant, er, post, the Demon indicated he was in a persnickety state of mind. This inspired the Spawn-of-Query-Letters-RejectedTM to reimagine a classic management book, The One Minute Manager.

Instead of:

Why not a special edition for persnickety crowd?




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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Story is NOT the by-product of magic!

The Demon is feeling persnickety, cantankerous and audacious today. Which means someone, perhaps a Pulitzer Prize winning author, is going to feel his wrath...

I was reading Summerland by Michael Chabon when I came across the following, "take everything back to zero as long as magic and its by-product, story..." Huh? Is Chabon saying story is the by-product of magic? Do they really give authors prizes for writing such fallacies?

Story isn't a by-product of anything. To speak of it that way is to diminish its power and, yes, its magic. Story is not akin to whey, rising like a watery afterthought during the cheese-making process. Yeah, this is a visceral reaction on the Demon's part and it's hard to offer a logical proof to refute Chabon. But this persnickety, cantankerous and audacious Demon knows that story is not, has never been and will never become a by-product of magic or anything else. You listening, Chabon?

Perhaps the closest thing to a proof I can offer is the following from Elie Wiesel: "God made man because He loves stories."

Yeah, that sounds just about right!
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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Penguin Classic Covers Revised


I came across these at Amy Fleisher's website. 

She did these to celebrate the 75th anniversary
of Penguin Books and to revamp "their most popular Classic
book covers to be more Penguin-centric.”

Penquin-centric indeed!

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