Of good readers and good writers, long hours of complete darkness and the search for an outstanding agent

MANNY the manuscript sits on the kitchen table. He is my firstborn novel and like many a first child, has been spoiled rotten. It hasn’t taken long for me to become inured to Manny’s sense of entitlement.

MANNY
Dude, when am I going to get published?

ME
Takes time, Manny. I’m still working on my query letters.

MANNY
This is taking forever.  My biological clock is ticking.

ME
Oi! You sound like Marisa Tomei’s character in My Cousin Vinny.
Besides, you aren’t a biological organism.

MANNY
Oi yourself! When are we going to get ourselves an outstanding agent?

ME
At this point, I’ll be glad just to get an agent – any agent.

MANNY
Any agent? Don’t be a desperate, weenie, author wannabe – show some chutzpah!

ME
Do you have any idea how frackin’ difficult a query letter is? I’ve got to sell you, a 290-page manuscript, in three paragraphs or less. How the heck am I going to write that?

MANNY
Don’t write – ENCHANT.

ME
Huh?

MANNY
            Dude, remember you read that book about Vladimir Nabokov’s lectures on literature during his days at Cornell? In particular, I’m thinking about the one entitled Good Readers and Good Writers.

ME
If I recall correctly, Nabokov claimed there were “three points of view from which a writer can be considered: he may be considered as a storyteller, as a teacher, and as an enchanter. A major writer  combines these three— storytellers, teacher, enchanter—but it is the enchanter in him that predominates and makes him a major writer.”

MANNY
So ENCHANT! Quit trying to describe your book; entice the agent with the promise of a great adventure –

ME
Enchantment? Adventure? Where are you going with this?

MANNY
To Antarctica, with the great explorer, Ernest Shackleton…

ME
Aha! You’re thinking about the ad he placed in a London newspaper to recruit members for his Antarctic expedition:

Men wanted for hazardous journey.
Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of
complete darkness. Safe return doubtful.
Honour and recognition in event of success.

MANNY
Bingo! Probably the most enchanting ad ever written, eh?

ME
So, if I could do a similar turn with my query letter—

MANNY
You just might hook yourself a real good agent.

ME
From Nabokov to Shackleton to query letters. You know, Manny, you’re darn clever for a manuscript.

MANNY
Enough chitchat! My biological clock is ticking!

Of good readers and good writers, long hours of complete darkness and the search for an outstanding agent